Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I wanna bring you to show and tell
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Randomize
