How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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