ya dads aren't the best wingmen
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
