That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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