We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
