Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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