My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize