Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
