please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
