Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I can text with my tongue
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
