Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
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