i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
