if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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