I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
