I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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