You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
