She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
