she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
