A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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