Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
