My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
