You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
