Betty ford says i'm here all night
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
