I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
