So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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