What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
