it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
