If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
