my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize