I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
