so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So much rum. So many feels.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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