bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
