My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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