im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize