if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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