I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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