Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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