my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
