How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
