pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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