I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
