Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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