he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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