Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
