I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize