They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
