She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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