she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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