I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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