just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
