and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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