I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
