I'm going to jail i love you
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize
