when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Floor bacon is actually really good
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
