She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
