I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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