He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
