No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
