I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just pee around me
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
