Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
