Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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