he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
