How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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