One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
