He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
