The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
