meet me or not, i'm out of control
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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