my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
