i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize