I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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