Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize